The Blissful Simplicity of "Thank You"

Last night I ventured out to my first slam of 2013 (shout out to my friend Dulcie aka Mallu Girl Hair for winning her first Houston slam). Despite being exhausted in that way that makes me wonder if I haven't gone from 26 to 86 over the course of a day, I decided to get sort of jazzed up and hit the town.

I LOVE LEOPARD PRINT! 

In the above picture you can see the outfit that I wore last night (check the awesome thrifted leopard print maxi :-) along with this fantastic oversized necklace I bought recently. I received a few compliments on the necklace. One of those compliments came from a dude - and that conversation went something like this:

Dude: Oh, by the way I really like your necklace!

Me: Thanks! Yea, I got it for like $5 at this random shop on Harwin!

Dude: *awkward silence*

At first I was just excited to bring someone else into the revelry of thriftiness, but awkward silences have a way of giving you time to think through what you've just said. And that was when I realized how important it is to just say "Thank you." I mean men don't care when, where, why, or how you beat some other woman down in the store to buy a necklace. Other women might - well some - but it's just best to accept the compliment and move on. And if someone wants to know where or how much you paid they'll ask.

This is totally not a new concept. I mean I've been told once or twice I don't know how to accept a compliment. Usually this happens when someone tells me an outfit looks nice and I go into a diatribe about my weight and how nothing fits...totally negating the compliment by the end of the exchange. In the past I've done that for a couple of reasons: sometimes to fill the silence, but most times because I never felt good enough, or worthy enough to accept the compliment for what it was. 

But silence is golden and I am worth a little bit of praise; everyone is for something. And that other person is worth the validation a "thank you" bestows on the compliment-er. Like always it's all connected. Ya' got to let that compliment soak into your skin,  keep it simple, and just say "Thank you." 

My Solution to Resolutions

Life just got real. I think this is the most I've ever sweat in my life. #nolie.

Let's talk New Year's resolutions. At this point last year I'd taken a vow against making resolutions. I said it was because I never stick to them, but that was a lie. I shunned making resolutions in 2012 because I was beginning to scrape the bottom of hopelessness and making resolutions means you've got some sort of hope for things to come. Depression was setting in. The struggle was real. Resolutions were just too much.

2013 has already promised to be different. I know I'm not the only one who feels it either...almost every friend or associate I have has said they feel it. There's a buzz in the air that is nearly palpable if you are in the least bit willing to reach your hand out and feel it. I, for one, am reaching out with my arms wide open (under the sunlight...welcome to this place...I'll show you everything...)

This year I've made five resolutions.Each resolutions encompasses some area of growth in mind, body, and spirit. One of those happens to be losing these stubborn pounds that are weighing down my inner Beyonce, hence the sweaty pic above. I used to hate the people who would make this resolution and show up at the gym perpetrating every year. But alas, now I'm one of them. Well, minus the perpetrating part. You see this year, I've got more than just some pipe dreams disguised as resolutions. I've got a plan.

 I decided to also set mini-goals to go with each resolution in order that I might experience some short-term success towards all of them. It also helps me not be discouraged that I haven't morphed into someone different and (more) amazing by now. For example, one of my goals towards weight loss is to track my meals 5/7 days a week. I'm doing awesome at that and I have awesome documentation to refer to in order to hit one of my other goals which is to journal about my "good" and "bad" food days. Another resolution is  to be kinder to myself. Some of goals for that are to journal more (check) and to give myself guilt-free rewards (check).

We've hit that three week mark where most people give up on their resolutions and I'm glad to say I'm still going strong, mostly because I've hit a goal in every resolution. It also helps that I have all of this written down so I can refer to it constantly. And I do remind myself - everyday - of where I'm going this year.  I'm confident with my plan of goal-mapping my resolutions that I'm on my way to awesome improvements this year. Are you?

I've Got a New Mind, Baby!

I have had the most ridiculous of days. Period.

This morning while searching for my water bottle I wandered out to my car in to see if I'd left it there. And this is what I found outside:

That my friends is the space where I parked my beloved Camry last night. And this morning...it was gone. Let me tell you my greatest fear next to someone running into my beauty of a car has been that someone would decide to steal my car. I never had this fear with the Lancer mostly because, well, no one wants to steal a busted hoopty of a 10-year-old car. Saturday I was taking a nap when I heard that little beep my car makes when I hit the keyless entry button. I leapt from my bed and groggily ran downstairs to be sure my ride was still there. Talk about paranoia.

But alas, my car was no stolen. Instead it was towed because for whatever reason I was not issued a parking permit and...sigh...it's just gone for now. 

A few months ago, maybe even last month, this incident would have sent me into a tailspin of tears and self-doubt and a swirl of feelings of incompetence. I used to like to bully myself over stuff like this. I tend to over-think situations, especially ones in which any blame could be placed on my shoulders. And after I've thought the thing to death, I've been known to turn on myself and spew the most hateful insults...at me. 

Today was different. Today, I realized that stuff like this happens and that none of it matters in the grand scheme of this thing we do everyday called life. This is super-good mostly because it is part of one of my New Year's Resolutions (more on that later). 

In about two weeks I won't even remember that I spent this (beautiful) day off of work. On a larger scale, when I'm laying on my deathbed no one will harken back to that day my car got towed from under my nose while I slept. And if it's not worth remembering when that day comes, it's not worth crying over now.

There is just something about being kind to yourself that makes you feel more special than any compliment you could get from anyone else! This may not come as a surprise to some folks, but as a recovering self-hater I am thankful for the peace I've gained from this day and I can't wait to spread it through every other big and small snafu I encounter. The renewal of your mind is an awesome gift folks - take it whenever you can!

The Cop Out

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

Okay, okay, I'm late. I know. This post has been brewing since January 1, but I just haven't had the time to sit down and write it properly until now. I gotta start this year off talking about Jesus for real! Wanna hear it? Here it go!

The start of a new year is always so exciting and full of possibility to me, and this year I have hardly been able to contain myself. I mean since God's mercies are new for us every morning, how much greater must his mercies be for us at the start of not only a brand new day, but a shiny, brand-spanking-new year? I have woken up all 6 mornings of 2013 filled with expectation for what God has in store for me. Mostly, I am filled with joy that this will be the first year I spend fully seeking him in all areas of my life.

For years I told people I was a "spiritual, but not religious" Christian. If I remember correctly, Match.com even had a special box to check for people like me seeking other spiritual, but not religious people. I felt totally validated when I saw that little box and clicked my check with pride. I have tons of friends who claim this title. I meet random strangers who proudly wear it. After all, who wants to be associated with a bunch of religious, bigoted, stick in the mud (or up the butt), zealots? Not I. Not then...and not now as a follower of Christ. 

The real problem: well it was a cop out. Saying I was spiritual meant I could pray to a big God who I did not know when I had a big problem. Being non-religious meant I could still drink, smoke, cuss, judge, sleep around, gossip, be a (self) hater, tell dirty jokes, ignore the homeless, and plunge myself into any other level of debauchery and dissipation I so pleased. I didn't want to exchange my crazy fun for the crazy boredom I thought would accompany Christianity. It also meant I could hold myself above those people who gave up on the "fun" stuff in life. 

Last year it clicked: following Christ has little to do with following the rules and much to do with following His heart. My new favorite phrase is "Relationship not Religion." I don't drink or cuss as much anymore. I don't smoke or sleep around. And it's not because the Bible says don't do it. It's because I've gotten into this very serious, very committed relationship with Christ, and He just isn't so into those things. So, I'm not into them anymore either. The Bible is His love letter to me, and in it He tells me I am beautiful, and wonderful, and valuable, and that I am no better than and definitely no worse than the people around me. I have a hard time doing the things I used to now that I'm in love with a man who thinks so highly of me. 

Besides, in this new agreement we have with God, he never asks us to be good on our own. He asks us to believe in his Son and to trust in his Spirit, and he will make us into the people he wants us to be. "Come as you are" has more to do with the state of your soul, than it does with whether you wear those distressed jeans to church anyway.

Giving up some of that was easy; it made me feel like crap anyway, but I'd convinced myself it was fun. And I still struggle with some of the other things, like letting that green jelly-eyed monster roar it's head, mostly because I am overly critical of myself. But God still loves me this way. He gives me a new chance everyday to get it right. He'll love me until I change. He'll love me into changing. 

I have a few resolutions this year. One of them being to stop being so critical of myself. I'm starting to see that I abuse myself way more than I would ever allow anyone else to abuse me - which is silly and doesn't line up with the woman I want to be at the end of the year. One of the others is to strengthen this beautiful relationship I've gotten into with Christ. The two are interconnected. But then again, it all is when Jesus is at the center. I'm all about "Relationship not Religion" in 2013, and if you are a fellow "spiritual, but not religious" Christian, I encourage you to consider this new mindset as well. I promise you can still have fun...if not more fun, and your life will never be the same. :-)