Battle of the Bulge: What I'm Learning Now

Oh the bulge...THE BULGE MAN!

I know that I wrote before about this year's New Year's command that this weight get thee behind me in the name of Jesus New Year's resolution to lose weight. If you haven't checked out my post on resolutions you should - it's inspired me a couple of times to keep going with all of the ones I set this year.

 I've learned that making PERMANENT CHANGE is really, really, really, truly, hard work.

So I wanted something where I could learn proper portion control and just get some better habits established. Enter the MyFitFoods 21 Day Challenge. MyFitFoods is a chain started in Houston that is like healthy fast food on the go. They carry meals that are not only portion-controlled, but that are combined to give you a meal that is relatively low on the glycemic index.

I am at the start of Day 17 and it has been...well challenging. For the last 17 days I've eaten 5 small meals from MyFitFoods everyday, with one "cheat meal" allowance each week. I pick up my new foods on Mondays and Thursdays. The convenience of the program is awesome - it's like having a personal chef for a month! The staff at my location are super-friendly. More importantly most of the food is delicious and I've got lots of cool ideas for how to make even more healthy meals at home. I thought the small portions would kill me at first, but that whole deal about eating smaller meals more frequently is #thetruth. I rarely feel hungry...really only late at night because I opted out of the 8 PM snack cause...well ain't nobody got money time for that! I lost 4 lbs in the first 2 days...which was most likely water weight but...yea it's still gone so booyow! I haven't weighed myself since, but I know my clothes are fitting much looser and more and more people are beginning to notice that I've lost a bit. I have more energy and I haven't felt that racing heart, blood sugar spike not once.

But the challenge...and more importantly the lesson in the challenge. I needed to eat this way to see a few things about my lifestyle and the decisions I've made in the past and the present. What I thought was a proper portion...is just not. I was eating way too much...mostly because the food tasted way too good. And the hardest lesson is that sometimes I just have to say, "No."

Yea. Like D.A.R.E. only this is F.A.R.E. The Food Abuse Resistance Education program.

My self-control and will have been put to the test at least 6 times that I can think of in the last 2+ weeks. I've been in situations where my friends and co-workers are eating some of my favorite foods and I just have to say no....and in one instance I had to just leave. In other cases I've just had to say no to own dang on self and that nagging craving for...well chocolate everything! I've been trying to overcome unnecessary, usually emotional eating for years, but I never knew what saying no to food would sound like coming out of my mouth. What it would feel like...I mean how would I stop the drool from falling while my friends enjoyed a plate of cheesy fries? You may laugh. #thestruggle is real.

Now that I've done it successfully a few times (and by successfully I mean there was no running off and binge eating alone afterwards) I know that yes, my taste buds will react. Yes my stomach has been conditioned to growl at those freshly baked cookies. But, I have goals to reach and therefore I do have the power to control what goes in my body.

Last night, after an exhilarating event my friends/co-organizers wanted to go out for food afterwards. I was still riding on the spiritual high of the event and wanted to be in the mix, but I knew that I wouldn't be able to avoid the temptation. It literally feels like I'm going through some sort of withdrawals when I'm sitting in front of a plate of fries these days lol. One of my friends suggested I just "cut back a little and enjoy the foods I like." It's just not that simple for my body...it's not that simple for many people's bodies. In fact I envy the people who are like "Oh I just started looking at glasses of water and I started losing weight." Ugh, chile please. And at this point in my journey, I don't think it's okay to just randomly indulge...I know what that leads to for me and it. ain't. pretty. So last night I made the decision to go home and not put my will to the test...and it was a very hard decision, but after talking to my sister I realized I can't expect other people to make the decision for me. Other people, especially my friends who don't have the same issues with food or weight...they don't get it and while I can try to explain it...they don't have to get it. I have to get it. I have to decide when it is time to compromise, sit and fight an urge, or when to just leave. And I have to be okay with whatever decision I make.

That revelation stung, in fact I'm still grappling with what all of this looks like in the long term. Will I eventually make these decisions as easily as I would have made the decision to stuff 6 of those donuts down my throat? Probably. Will I need to seek out some like-minded folks who have similar goals? Maybe. But those are questions that will only be answered in time. In the meantime I'm feeling renewed...and dare I say freed. Self-discipline is clearly not developed through just thoughts...faith without works is dead boo...it is developed through taking an action that is sometimes contradictory to what you really want to do, and then repeating that action until you get it in your muscle memory and it becomes what you really want to do.

I'm off to go try to put this into practice in other areas of my life too! I hope this hits home for somebody, anybody, everybody (SCREAM!) :-)