Who is BlissfulRiss?

I am on a journey of the spiritual variety. It may sound like the most cliche phrase in the world, but there is truly no other way for me to describe the metamorphosis happening in my life. I am being remade from the inside out and the process is beautiful. I am amazed everyday by the changes in myself, some of them small and only found in the nooks and cranies of my heart and some of them bold and noticeable. I owe it all to Jesus. If you'd told me I would be here in January, I would have laughed in your face. Literally. Jesus Freak? Me? Ha!

I've always believed that I would "come back to Jesus" when I was older...I imagined it happening closer to 40 when I was done with booze and booty calls, cursing, clubs, and cattiness. Oh and my love for R&B crooners. That would have to go, too.You know, before I came back to Jesus. I thought God couldn't possibly be as into R. Kelly or Trey Songz as I was. I was wrong of course; He loves them more.

The problem of course was that while I sort of enjoyed all of those things (and to an extent still enjoy some of them in moderation), none of them left me feeling particularly good about myself or about life in general. But even though none of those things were "it," I still didn't want to give them up, and I just knew in order to be a good Christian girl, I had to come correct. Knew I had to come perfect. Oh the lies! My sister, who is an awesome woman of God, used to tell me that I didn't have to give up anything but my heart. That if I just turned it over to God, all the "bad" stuff would sort of....fall off. That...seemed....impossible. But I get it now.

In January of 2012 I found myself in a funk. I was a few months into a new gig, a promotion, that I'd thought would make me happy. A year into a relationship that should have made me happy. But I  wasn't. Something was missing; I felt listless and out of touch. Work was a chore. Being Karissa became tedious. I was depressed, which is hard to admit...even though the very purpose of this blog is for me to write about overcoming that season of depression, just now my fingers rebelled against typing those words. It's hard to admit it out loud to the Interwebs. I, a strong, successful Black woman, suffered with depression.

I didn't (couldn't?) acknowledge I had a problem until around March. It was around that time I decided to seek God and to seek out counseling, and through those experiences I'm relearning who I am. I'm still me, with my quirks and eccentricities and my ambition and humor, but I am also moving towards the better version of myself. Like Karissa 2.0. She's always been there, this better version of me. I could see the back of her head rushing forward to fulfill the dreams of my heart, but it felt like there was a a river running between us. A gap between the insecure, confused, passionless girl I was, and the confident, peaceful, blissful woman I knew I could be. I'm swimming across the river now. These are the stories of how I'm getting there. I hope you'll come along, enjoy, and learn with and from me as I grow.

Love,

Karissa